This entire week I’ve repeated to myself more times than I can count…
“I just want to be normal”
This phrase has spit out of my mouth ( don’t worry no one was around 😉) on repeat. Like a broken record I was spinning over and over again.
It slowly started to turn into, “I don’t want to be witchy, I don’t want to be spiritual, I don’t want to be woke”…. none of which I actually mean btw.
But I kept saying it because I kept on feeling this pull from the world around me. Fears were rising and time felt like it was ticking. Testing me to see if I would crack, to see how serious I was about asking for the life I want.
Look, disclaimer- btw……
If you’re living a “normal” life and that works for you, this isn’t meant to trigger you. This is a truth that is deeply felt in my own soul. And part of my purpose here is to brave enough to share that outwardly with the world. If it resonates great, if not great. Keep living the life you desire in whatever way that works for you.
Okay, back to what I was saying.
For me I’ve always felt a little different, my ideas have been big- almost bigger than my emotions. I see things in a way that I have grown to realize not everyone sees. My voice took me a long time to find, why? Because the words I’ve always wanted to say have been labeled like “crazy”, “too much”, “weird”, “different” alllllll the things people like to say to those they cannot seem to understand.
(it’s okay, you and I were programmed this way)
When I started this blog, I started to find my voice. I started to find people online who actually had similar ideas and thoughts to mine. For the first time in a long time I didn’t feel so alone. For the first time in a long time I began to feel normal. My type of normal.
Through the years, especially in my 20s I’ve tried on many different lifestyles, places, hats, and masks of plenty. The chameleon life was the life for me. And no, I don’t regret any of it, because it helped me to see. See through the eyes of different people, play different roles and above all us, it helped me weed out what I truly wanted and what I believed to be true for me. If I never would have tried on these roles, I never would have evolved into who I am today.
Normal looks different to everyone, I learned this. I am learning this. But for someone who’s ideas or values differ from the majority, it can be very hard to fully embrace who you are and before you know it the world around gets to decide who you will be.
Humans – we desire to belong.
This belonging comes from doing as we’ve been taught. It comes by making nice and doing things to please others. To not ruffle feathers. To do as we’re told. I mean this is what we’re taught at least.
I no longer resonate with that life.
I don’t want to belong by pretending to be someone I am not. I wouldn’t want that for my sisters, my friends, my children, my loved ones- I wouldn’t want that for anybody.
This year we have seen “different” take the stage. In ways that I believe are embarrassing to the human race.
We are on the same god damn team, why can’t we except one another for who we are, what we like, what we look like and how we see the world through our own eyes.
Normal? WTF is normal anyway?
The kids I use to work with would say to me “ms burns you’re weird”…… and I would always reply, good normal is boring anyway. They would laugh or smile and a connection would be felt almost instantly.
Normal is a box that society made a long time ago so things would work a certain way.
The idea of a normal life, I bet to you seems comfortable right now- especially after a year like 2020. Trust me, I know that’s why I played this phrase on repeat.
Normal no longer serves a place here on planet earth for many. I say this because normal doesn’t change anything, different changes things. Innovative changes things, out of the box thinkers change things.
When your normal is challenged like it was for all of us this year, it’s heart wrenching.
Normal is safe. It’s comfortable and comes with things that help us stay. Stay in our place. It comes with benefits that allow you to live, survive and maybe even die comfortably. But for me normal doesn’t allow me to grow, it doesn’t allow me to be myself…. instead it keeps me small, stuck and filled with wishes and dreams that somehow get repressed.
Normal, is no longer for me.
What I desire is the unconventional way. A path that leads me toward my dreams and destiny. One that serves me with freedom and liberation and a different type of success than normal allows me to breathe. It gives me peace, bliss and a life that isn’t mapped out. It’s one that’s filled with others who my soul knows and finds along the way.
It really is like following the yellow brick road.
As always I like to write to process my feelings, and I didn’t realize it until I started writing this that this blog is more than just words on a sheet, it’s actually a rebirth of me. Of who I’ve been becoming. Of who I’ve always dreamed of being.
In a few months I turn 30.
In less than a month Saturn enters Aquarius at 0 degrees with a connection to Jupiter also in Aquarius- this is the transit in my chart. This is the ushering in of a brand new world.
I no longer can accept normal and what that happens been for me. It literally repulses me. It hurts my soul, it truly does. The life for me is something I’ve only ever dreamed of. It’s unknown and maybe that’s why it’s so alluring, but all I know is that from now on, the yellow brick road is the path I must follow to my true North “new normal” destiny.
There’s no place like home.
Home is the journey guiding me back to me.
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